Her new favorite thing is my new favorite thing to

Her new favorite thing is my new favorite thing too.

Getting beach ready. 🏄‍♀️

By golly we grew a watermelon. Feeling accomplis

By golly we grew a watermelon.

Feeling accomplished. 🍉

There was a rainbow today. A big one. I missed it

There was a rainbow today. A big one. I missed it for this picture but it was big and bright and beautiful. AND it is National Twin Day. Tom looked at me strange when I said drop everything, quick grab the babies we need a picture under the rainbow! But you all get it. It’s #NationalTwinDay AND there was a rainbow. It’s National Twin and for two years it felt ironically painful (really painful) that National Twin Day fell on the day after we lost our first set of twins, Eliza and Ensley. There is no National I Had Twins But They Died day and watching pictures of beautiful twins in matching outfits well it hurt a little too much. I secretly very badly wanted to have another set of twins. And then. And then. God did what only God can do, we have a second set of twins... these two. Our twin rainbow babes. And it was National Twin Day today and there was a rainbow. And it was big and bright and beautiful. Man I wish you guys could have seen it. 🌈 #rainbowbabies #rainbowbaby #NationalTwinDay #twinstwice #boygirltwins #twins #twinmimlife #GodisTwoGood #sharedjoy #shareyourstory

My babies in a box. Toms sister posted this pictur

My babies in a box. Toms sister posted this picture and it came through my Instagram and I just stared and stared. My babies in a box. I am so glad she shared, I love this picture but this is what it looks like to lose your babies. This is what it actually looks like. My babies ashes are in two boxes in my closet.

We decided to have them cremated, partly because we couldn’t afford a funeral, partly because I always wanted them with me.

Friends of Angels paid in full the expenses for their burial arrangements. It remains one of the kindest things I never thought of. How to pay for my babies funeral expenses. There are a lot of those kindnesses that came to us. Things we will never ever forget.

I realized I am ready to talk about it now. Every part of it. Not just the part where I share a nice photo of my sweet babies and point people to Jesus. All of it. It took two years.

A lot of people will turn away from this picture, a lot of people won’t want to see it. That’s why I never posted it before. I used to turn away too.

Today I posted my cell phone number in the Limb Body Wall Complex group on Facebook and I told anyone to call me anytime and we could talk about anything. I meant it this year.

And the thing I am still learning how to say— is that my babies in ashes are in a box in my closet but my babies are in Heaven 💕

#NationalTwinDay #twins #identicaltwins #infantloss #twinstwice #identicaltwins #shareyourstory

You would have been two. Both of you. I asked your

You would have been two.
Both of you.
I asked your Dad if he still thinks about you.
He says of course and I do too.
There’s a little girl at church, she is also two.
When I look at her, I think about you.

Something happened the day you were born
Heaven met earth in an operating room.
Joy came in where grief should have been.
We loved you forever, we met you just then.

Something happened when they said you would die
I didn’t want to move not ever again. I could have stayed there forever just then.
I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t be.
I stared at the ceiling and started to pray then it happened, God said you would be okay.

It didn’t make sense, I couldn’t say why
When every doctor said you would die
Then at home, God told me again, and again and again.Watch me He said, watch what I will do.

They told me we would lose you both really soon,
They told me to abort you and start again new.
They said it in a whisper they said it so sad.
They said I’m so sorry this is so bad.
They said it in a way that made me wonder what to do,The only thing I wanted was to protect you.

But God said, wait and watch, watch what I will do.
All that mattered was what God said about you.
I waited for God to step in, stubbornly I waited for Him.He said you would be safe, I knew it would be true.But still all I wanted was you.

Then I saw it, saw it come true, the miracle we asked for, the miracle was you. To walk through the pain and see it all done, for His glory to say that God had won. To talk about Jesus to everyone we met to say how He saved you when we had no hope left.

You both at peace, you both born safe
Something happened when we saw your face,
Joy rushed in, it took grief’s place
And God did what He said He would do, we could see it then when we looked at you.

You would have been two.
Both of you.
Your Dad asked last night if I still think about you.
I said of course, but something else to,
Heaven is what I think about when I think about you.💕

#infantloss #stillbirth #limbbodywallcomplex #twins #babygirl #happybirthday

Ira and Weeds are now SEVEN months old. I am okay.

Ira and Weeds are now SEVEN months old. I am okay. I am totally okay.

Super proud of having tomatoes 🍅 this year. Esp

Super proud of having tomatoes 🍅 this year. Especially since Tom is the only one who watered the garden.
#tomatoesofinstagram #teamworkmakesthedreamwork

Last week. Me: man I am really tired Tommy: *runs

Last week.
Me: man I am really tired
Tommy: *runs across the room* not too tired to take me to the farm right?
Me: no, no that tired, I just need coffee on the way
Tommy: *gets in the car and shouts* to the farm and coffee!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
That’s our motto now, to the farm and coffee!🌻☕️

Taking pictures of the babies like... #EdithandIr

Taking pictures of the babies like...

#EdithandIra

Tommy: mommy, you look like a ninja. Me: thanks bu

Tommy: mommy, you look like a ninja.
Me: thanks bud, that’s the best compliment yet.

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