There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
In January, Tom and I found out we are expecting another baby.
In February we found out we are expecting twins.
In March we found out our babies had several abnormalities and were deemed incompatible with life. Specifically, both of our twins have limb body wall complex.
Now it’s May and I am 21 weeks pregnant with these sweet babies.
At 12 weeks our ultrasound technician left the room quietly to get our doctor. I told Tom she looked upset. We already knew we were having twins, we already knew there was a chance they could be conjoined.
My OB sent us to a maternal fetal medicine doctor the same day. The doctor came in and the quietest voice, told us that our babies were incompatible with life. She listed off several abnormalities and showed us each one.
She explained that none of it added up to be any one defect or any one cause. She said they could also be conjoined at the liver, we just don’t know.
She asked if I had any questions. I looked at the screen, where I just saw two hearts beating and asked: “but they are still alive…so why are they still alive”?
She quietly said, “I don’t know”.
She got up to leave and told us to take as much time as we needed which sounded ridiculous.
Then, I looked at Tom and sobbed like I have never sobbed before. Good thing Tom was there to hold me because it was 20 minutes before I could walk again. As we cried, we both cried out to Jesus. The presence of the Holy Spirit became so thick in the room we could tangibly feel God all around us. We both walked out with a peace we still can’t explain. Except we can.
God goes before us, He is always with us, He never forsakes us. God was already there.
And the same God who I walked into that exam room with, is the same God I left with.
His promises are real. And even in this I have joy.
God is bigger than all of my fear.
Our faith tells us God can heal these babies completely. And we know they are already whole and complete in Jesus. No matter how long we have them, we are their parents- stewards of their souls. If we lose them, we know that Jesus conquered death. So we have no fear. We only have joy.
I plan to post about our journey. Even the hard parts. Already, I have gained so much from reading from other parents who faced a similar diagnosis. Already God has shown up for us in ways we can’t explain but will try to witness too.
Will you pray our sweet babies and for us- believe with us for a miracle and trust God to do a work in us either way? We so covet your prayers. Thank you sweet friends.
Cherishing all of your prayers and forever thankful for these babies,
Our Tommy-man is two years old.
And he is just so funny. Whoever calls twos terrible, well I just don’t know but it’s pretty terrific.
Two-year-old Tommy is a total goofball. Everything is funny, everything is fun except when he doesn’t get the snack he wants. Then maybe I do get it. #toddlerlife
Two Year Update
Really, Tommy is still sweet natured (just like his dad) but maybe a touch stubborn (like his mama) and now he comes up with the funniest things. Like how he saw the dog eating grass in the backyard and tells everyone Kiptyn eats poop and then laughs about it like it is the funniest thing he’s ever heard.
I love watching his imagination lately- it is out there (not the dog eating poop thing, that’s probably true).
Watching him grow into a two-year-old, he is more confident with most everything. He is not timid about anything and will let you know what he wants. Like cookies and donuts and playing outside.
Lately he has turned into a chatterbox, literally repeating everything we say. (Like that one time he told his dad to chill out.) His favorite word might be no, but I’ve heard it’s a toddler thing. He says a lot of other things the funniest being heavy- which he says with a weird accent- heeeavvvy. It’s the best.
He outgrew his dance to all rap music stage but I am sure it will come back right?
A big milestone for us is now at two he may have outgrown his dairy allergy. Hallelujah. Tommy had a whole piece of pizza the other day and did just fine so fingers crossed.
I just realized I have no idea how much he weighs or how tall he is so maybe I should get on that but he is in 3T clothes and I’ buying bigger shoes every week.
Here are some more of two year old Tommy’s favorite things.
favorite food : shrimp lo-mein (just like me)
favorite color : orange, he thinks everything is orange or pink
favorite book : Everyone Poops (I mean, it’s a classic so..)
favorite thing to do : be outside
favorite toy : toy shotgun
favorite sport : baseball
favorite tv show : PJ Masks on repeat (make it stop! jk)
favorite place : the farm
favorite animal : dogs
favorite dog : Ripken, his aunt Val’s yellow lab
loves : all things animals, balls and sports, guns
most used phrase : “what happened? or what is that?”
That’s all about Tommy for his two year update. I’ve got to say I love raising a two-year old. Especially this two-year old.
This blog! Oh man.
So what is new is, this whole time I’ve been juggling life and motherhood, I’ve been saying, “but I have a baby”, but the truth is I have a toddler now. He’s not a baby. He’s not a baby! Ok he is totally still a baby. Always will be. Sorry not sorry, Tommy man. You are stuck with me, and you’re always going to be my baby. #becauseIsaysSo
But what is new y’all. Besides everything. Ummmmm.
Just going to jump into it.
Tommy was a chicken for halloween. It was fantastic. Except I had a moment of chasing- chasing! him through the parking lot during Light the Night at our church when I realized I chase chickens all day at work, just to dress my kid up as a chicken and chase him for Halloween. What’s up with that?
It must mean something. It DOES mean I immediately went home to see where to buy one of those leashes for kids. For real. I’m that parent and it’s a good thing.
Speaking of chickens. Did you know ‘backyard chickens’ is like the number 5th thing searched for on google? That must mean something. What does it all mean?
That’s what’s really new, me asking myself ‘what does it all mean’ at least five to six times a day.
What I do know, is that motherhood is a stinking blast. Like who signed me up for this because I am having a blast. No joke.
Also new, did you know that you can now order McDonalds from a machine, just like at Sheets? Whhhhattttt.
What is this? And did you know you can get diapers delivered to your door? From amazon?
What is this America that we live in? God is good!
Speaking of, you guys God has shown up for me BIG time lately. I have gotten back into seeking Him every day by setting apart time for prayer, and listening to what He wants to tell and show me. I also realized how much NEGATIVE talk I’ve had in my life and just a shift to speaking POSITIVE things over myself and situations, wow you guys. WHAT. A. DIFFERENCE.
Just can’t even. Explain. But try it.
Hope all is well with my loyal blog readers. Are there any of you? Y’all are the bomb.com
So this is worth blogging about, we took Tommy to a pumpkin patch.
#doitfortheblog. True story, I was scrolling through instagram like I do and there was blogger holding her baby in a sea of pumpkins with a bright blue sky. I was like that. I want that.
I told Tom we had to go to a pumpkin patch ASAP. We debated all morning if $6/a person was worth it for a picture of us holding the baby in a sea of pumpkins and decided heck yeah it is. I’m glad for it.
But Tommy fell asleep right as we got to the pumpkin picking part. The little stinker. This is him trying to stay awake next to the pumpkin I picked for him. Babies just can not hang sometimes.
I’d like to say that I’m not the person who would keep her tired baby awake for a picture at a pumpkin patch. Except I am. I’m also the person who takes way too many selfies with her baby.
And I am a person whose baby accidentally slid off an especially large pumpkin and almost face planted while taking pictures at a pumpkin patch. It kind of made me question everything. Like why do I take pictures of my baby on pumpkins?
The truth is I don’t know. I know my photo taking game is too strong sometimes. Tom would say all of the time. But moments are where it’s at and sometimes moments don’t happen unless we make them. The fresh air, bright sky, pretty pumpkins and my baby fast asleep in his dad’s arm- that’s where it’s at. All the pictures are just so I can remember it better.
Let me know if your picture game is like mine and if a baby ever fell off of a pumpkin because of it. Part of me knows I need to work on being more present and less focused on taking pictures ALL OF THE TIME. Another part of me wonders if we would miss out if I did not insist on making memories to capture them. Like picking pumpkins which is pretty important.
Happy pumpkin picking and picture taking, guys. If you took yourself or your babies to a pumpkin patch just for the pictures just know you’re not the only one.
It’s true, I had a baby and I want a cookie.
Or twelve. I could eat twelve cookies. That is a whole other story.
I do this thing where I bring up that I just had a baby all of the time. Awkwardly.
“Can I use your bathroom? I just had a baby.”
“I used to be fast at catching chickens but I just had a baby.”
“Is that cow in heat? I just had a baby.”
I couldn’t pin point why I do this until the other day when I was extra complaining about how hard everything is because I ‘just’ had a baby and Tom says:
“So do you like want a cookie? Is that it? You had a baby and now you want a cookie?”
You guys I want ALL of the cookies. That was exactly it but if I had had a cookie right then, I would have thrown it at my husband’s face.
Lord help me. I yelled “YES I HAD A BABY AND I YES I WANT A COOKIE.”
Wow. As soon as I said that, I felt so much better.
So there it is. Just putting it out there. True life: I had a baby and I want a cookie [or twelve.]
Any other moms feel this way? I can’t be the only one right? I have some thoughts on why I feel this way and if I should feel this way and if it’s okay to feel this way and for how long I should feel this way but I’ll save all of that for another time because right now I need to go bake a couple dozen cookies.
Kidding but not at all,
What’s up party people?
Two things are new this week:
1) we went on a real live date. I know.
2) Tommy slept through the night twice. I know! In the same week. What are the chances?
I can hardly believe it myself. It was our first date since having Tommy so of course I documented it with a selfie (or six). Best of all, Tom planned the whole thing. One night he was like hey let’s do date night and go see Secret Life of Pets. So that’s what we did. Snuck out of the house away from our four month old for the first time to go see a kids movie. It was glorious. I highly recommend it.
Treat yo self,