The Birth of Ira Brighton and Edith Bailey Taylor

Oh my dear friends. This is the post I can’t believe I get to write. With all the anticipation of having twins again I am so EXCITED to tell you– they are here, our babies are here!

Ira Brighton and Edith Bailey Taylor were born December 30th, 2019  by a perfectly perfect scheduled c-section. Both babies are safe and healthy and I am doing well. Praise God.

You can imagine all of the emotions we are feeling. Our babies are such a gift. I’ve experienced lots of answered prayers but none quite as perfect and specific as bringing Ira and Edith into the world.

Their birth was everything I prayed for– safe, whole and redemptive.

While I was grieving the loss of Eliza and Ensley I prayed for God to give us another baby. And I prayed that it would happen by the end of December. When I found out I was pregnant again, the due date was January 17th. I figured God was just giving us a baby when the timing was right. Then we learned it was twins and I was set to deliver the first week in January and then…the last week in December. I just stared at the calendar the day I scheduled our delivery– December 30th, 2019. Exactly what I had prayed for. And not just one baby but two.

A lot of the anticipation around their birth was not centered around the tragedy of Ensley and Eliza’s birth because their birth wasn’t hard, it was their pregnancy that was hard. Rather for me it was– do we deserve this?  Is this really happening? Will they be safe this time and will I?

Needless to say the night before neither Tom or I slept well. (Which is saying a lot because Tom can sleep through anything). I turned into a crazy person running around trying to remember all the things even though my hospital bag had been packed weeks before. We were both so anxious.

My c-section was set for 10:40 AM. We left Tommy with Tom’s sister, had a little bit of time with him in the morning (as I was still trying to pack all the things and take final pictures of my belly). We drove to the hospital praying the whole way. We have a ‘baby CD’ it’s one we listened to over and over during Eliza and Ensley’s pregnancy so Tom put it in and my favorite song– Find Me by Melissa and Jonathan Hessler actually calmed me down. Usually it makes me emotional. We were here, about to give birth, so thankful, so grateful.

Tom made the mistake of telling me this is probably our last pregnancy so I wanted to take ALL THE  BELLY PICTURES last minute, I actually got really sad that I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore which is so not like me.

I always get a little crazy about documenting things, especially something as big as this, so I told Tom to film EVERYTHING and it’s all I could think about as we got ready in pre-op.  I think I got to the hospital missing half the things I needed (hair ties–ekk) because I was so focused on documenting it well. We found a birth photographer! A friend of a friend offered to come and take pictures the day they were born and I was so excited about it but really I needed to focus and settle down to be super present for their birth.

When we got to the hospital it struck me how routine the whole thing was to everyone but Tom and I. All of a sudden it was time and  no one seemed nervous but us. Which I guess is a good thing. Strangely, as soon as I stepped into the OR it was like I had been their before. I know that I had been there before. That exact room, with that exact color of the floor, with that exact nurse helping me on the bed. This is going to be okay. All of the fear left me, God was already there. He’s always already there.

When people would ask if I was ready for their birth it felt impossible to answer. Yes yes yes yes and no, nothing  could prepare me for what it is like to walk into another delivery room waiting to meet my babies. I was really, really scared.

But it went perfectly. The only scary thing was my heart sky-rocketed with anesthesia and my blood pressure went way down. I heard the doctors talking about the color of my skin and the monitors beeping an alarm and I could feel a tight pressure across my shoulders like this isn’t going well. But I kept talking to the doctors telling them what I felt and the anesthesiologist gave me fluid and something to bring my heart rate down and it worked.

I had asked for a clear curtain to see the babies come out but they put up a blue one and the anesthesiologist said he could switch it out but when it came time my blood pressure dropped again so I just let it go to let them focus on keeping me stable–because priorities, right?

11:45 AM Ira was born first. Our sweet Ira boy. Nothing, nothing in the whole world is better than hearing your baby’s first cry. Oh. My. Gosh. It’s all I wanted to hear. Ira crying and a minute later, Edith.

Our beautiful daughter Edith.

Even though I could hear her cry I kept asking Tom, is she crying? I asked him over and over again. The anesthesiologist commented on how emotional we were– ha! He asked if I was going to be okay I just nodded as I bawled tears of joy.

It felt like an eternity before I could see them then they were there. Our happy bright eyed Edith girl (left) who has been that way ever since and sweet sleeping Ira (right). Tom went over with them while they were being checked. I told him to take as many pictures as possible and to film me meeting them, just my face because we weren’t supposed to film anything in the OR. I don’t think I considered how nervous he would be because when I watched the video back it’s just Tom hands shaking, recording my face and taking pictures over and over again of my face– no babies, lol. The anesthesiologist actually took our camera and started taking pictures– he was so funny, saying how nice my camera was and trying to learn all the settings.

We did it! They are safe, I am safe, we did it, praise the Lord they are really here.

That’s all I could think as they brought me back to recovery. I didn’t care about anything else. Our family was in the waiting room, which is a story for another time because I asked them to come the next day. Gosh I love them. Our photographer also came and I was so excited for her to come back but really nothing could pull me away from those first hours of holding our babies.

My favorite part of that precious time was watching Tom watch the babies. He was just so happy. He jokingly said he was scared to be alone with them before I was ready to hold them but I think really he was just nervous for the c-section, just wanting it to go well because he was so calm and happy once they were out.

We got to go back to a room and I just wanted to stare at our babies forever.

This is what holding a miracle feels like. Holding two. Two healthy, happy, perfect newborn babies. We get to be their parents. We can’t believe it.

I both wanted everyone in the world to see them right then and to keep them all to myself so I could memorize their faces forever. In part of my grieving I wondered if I would be able to bond with them without thinking of their sisters. And of course I can’t. Their sisters paved the way. For us to love them fiercer, see them clearer and to be more present for the joy they bring us.

Edith and Ira, how we love you.

Soon as I could stop throwing up (like 6 hours later) it was time for our family to meet them and what an exciting moment. I could not wait to see their faces.

 

Tommy came back first. Oh my word, your baby meeting your babies– is there anything better in life?

He was so excited! Especially about his new brother Ira but really about both babies.

It made my heart so glad to see him so happy to watch him with them.

Our parents were next, mine first then Tom’s and oh goodness, their love and support for us this whole journey– I knew I wanted to capture the moment they got to meet their grand babies.

Look at little Edith meeting my mom. Her eyes are hilarious.

 

What a beautiful day it was.

The rest of the time in the hospital was just us getting used to TWO babies. Mostly trying to figure out how to feed them and remembering to change their diapers. More than a few times nurses came in and asked if they peed or pooped and we said oh yeah, we are supposed to do that. We were just too busy looking at them. Breastfeeding went well to start (or so I thought) but by day three both babies were losing weight (10% and 12% body weight) and I decided to introduce formula (more on that in another post).

Within 6 hours I was up and walking, praise the Lord, that was something I was so scared about. The nurses made it so easy this time, they told me to stand up with my thighs– which sounds like, duh, but with my last c-section standing was EXCRUCIATINGLY painful. Walking the halls was my favorite thing to do because it felt so good to be able to move and to not be pregnant! Thirteen pounds of baby you guys, thirteen pounds of baby.

We are so blessed. So funny story, we didn’t know what Ira’s middle name was until the very last minute. I was literally asking each nurse and lactation consultant and doctor what we should name him. We had a list but I couldn’t decide. It was almost Ira Judah, it might actually still almost be Ira Judah– just as I was writing this I called our health department to see how long you have to change your baby’s name and get this– you have whole year.

But every time I thought about naming him something else I came back to Brighton, Ira Brighton, our bright rainbow baby after a loss. And Edith Bailey, our bonus baby who’s name was picked out before I even knew she would come.

We are so in awe of the Lord, that by His grace, God gave us these two precious babies. We hope when you look at them, you can see Him. Our prayer is for Ira and Edith to grow up to do great things for Jesus, we can’t wait to get to know them and watch who they will become. We pray they are a testimony of God’s grace and mercy, to everyone who meets them. That the story of their birth proves the power of prayer and of a God who is faithful to us, when we least expect it. Even when we hold on to fear and doubt, and sorrow. A God who loves us enough to give the specific and unbelievable desires of our heart–for us, twins, again.

We were two parents who were broken by the loss of our babies, who turned to Jesus and trusted him. Each time I prayed, God told me wait and see. Wait and see what I will do. We trusted Him and waited and on December 30th, 2019 God gave us Ira Brighton and Edith Bailey Taylor. The sweetest rainbow babies we never saw coming.

Your prayers for us, mean everything. Truly, the power of prayer surrounding us and our precious babies gives me goosebumps. We love you all, thanks for all of your love and support.

Always grateful, always thankful, totally in awe,

Emily

Favorite Things of 2019

favorite things 2019

Hi guys, can you believe 2019 is over? So I have to admit, I wrote this post and wrote ‘2018 Favorites’ because I am still stuck in 2018 apparently. Wow. 2019 was a crazy, completely unexpected year but before it’s over I had to share my favorite things from this year.

  1. dollar tree bins— is there anything you can’t organize with bins from the dollar tree?
  2. reveal light bulbs— nothing has changed our house more than replacing old light bulbs with these
  3. Megan Fox Unlocked— she is a mennonite mom youtuber from lancaster, pa with the BEST youtube channel
  4. mac shape and shade brow tint— best eye brow tint ever
  5. scunci spiral twisters— my bun has never looked better/worst depending on the day but they hold it in so well
  6. h&m basic tees— so comfy, so versatile, the first thing in my capsule wardrobe I am confident in
  7. the entitlement cure— best book I read in 2019
  8. hoopla— free app for listening to audio books
  9. wool dryer balls— they make your laundry so fluffy
  10. torani caramel syrup— how did I even make coffee without it?
  11. soft leggings (walmart)— I lived in these the last half of 2019, even with my twin pregnancy belly
  12. house plants!—  all the house plants, I get mine from ikea, I love their price and selection
  13. silicone straws— randomly decided to kick plastic in 2019, also you can bite them and it doesn’t even show
  14. mother like a boss podcast— found this one recently but I love her spunk and advice
  15. thieves essential oil— thieves is the reason I believe in essential oils and I’m not even mad about it
  16. slipcover— gave me a whole new living room and withstood many, many washings
  17. zak insulated mug— it makes me actually drink water, especially when I use my silcone straws #sorrynotsorry
  18. flisat table— you can do SO many things with this table, it has bins so ours turns into a sensory table
  19. black canvas shoes— finally up-ed my flip flop game for $5, I wear them everywhere

34 Weeks Pregnant With Twins After Loss

Hi guys, I am writing this amazed that we are thirty four weeks pregnant with our second set of twins. How can that be? I always say ‘WE’ when referring to pregnancy and I’m not really sure why, I guess because they are Tom’s babies too and truth is, I can’t do it without him. This pregnancy has been hard but fast, hard emotionally but going completely well physically. Except for being EXTREMELY uncomfortable. How come no one talks about how uncomfortable pregnancy is? Twin pregnancy is that times two. Which I guess everyone figures but until you do it…phew.

If I could change anything it would be how much I complain because how can you complain carrying a miracle like two babies at once? But man does it hurt. Truth is I know it was because of not taking care of my body postpartum. Pelvic floor muscles are no joke. My doctor kindly reminded me I carried five babes in three years but still. Twin pregnancies are so hard.

We are in great anticipation of baby Ira and Edith coming. THREE WEEKS is crazy. Everyone asks us if we are ready and the answer is YES but also no, not at all. Two babies to take home? How can that be?

As quickly and painfully as this pregnancy has gone, painful physically and emotionally, God’s faithfulness remains. I am learning I don’t have to look for it in each healthy ultrasound report or mark it by each successful OB appointment.

It is hard to separate the two. God’s faithfulness and a healthy pregnancy being the proof but God is always faithful, no matter how this goes. Amen? Tom tells me these babies are a reward and I actually argue with him about that (still do). As if we were given twins again because we didn’t terminate our first. I don’t think that is how God works. His faithfulness is infinite. His love for us greater than our circumstance and greater than our response. Tom is right, children are a reward. But all of our children are a reward. All five of them.

I don’t see Ira and Edith as more of a gift because they are going to live. I don’t see Eliza and Ensley as less because we knew they would die. All five of my babies came from God, who loves us and has a plan for them. God’s faithfulness is bigger than us. Greater than our pain, and better than our understanding.

I’ve had people tell me my logic is flawed because if God were so good and faithful why would He let our babies die? This is an actual thing people have said to me at 34 weeks pregnant after losing babies. I know right? The thing is we don’t know. But we know God knows and we trust Him.

Thanks for praying for us friends! We cherish all of you who have followed are story. Especially thank you for seeing these twins as a blessing to us and encouraging us in believing that. They truly are and we can’t wait to meet them.

Always grateful, always thankful,

Emily

MOPS Bucket List

Hi friends, you know how much I love my MOPS group. Who is excited for the To The Full theme at MOPS this year?  My group created  a To The Full Bucket List and I just wanted to share because it is so fun.

So how are we doing this? We gave each mom a copy of this list and we are going to hang a huge copy (34″X 46″) in our meeting room (as soon as I get it printed at staples) to check off as a group. Each time our group does an item (playdate at a new park, family game night etc) we check it off as a group.

Then every week (or every so often) we ask if anyone has completed anything on the bucket list and would like to share. We do this with highs and lows at the start of our meeting– there have already been cute stories! We also post challenges or opportunities to complete items on facebook in our private group (ex. create something and share it.)

It’s been so fun so we wanted to share. We were intentional about creating 52 things for the 52 weeks in a year. But we have no set week by week item in mind, our goal is just to encourage all of our moms to complete some of most of the list in the name of having more fun and living life to the full (no pressure).

xoxo,

Emily

Can we stop talking about bodies during pregnancy?

Can we stop commenting on bodies during pregnancy? Let’s just stop.

This is me twelve weeks ago. Sixteen weeks pregnant with twins. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. But I did announce it, and you know the most common comments I keep getting? All about my body. Nothing about my heart.

My last pregnancy I carried babies with a life-limiting diagnosis and still the thing everyone wanted to talk about? My body. How big I was, how big I wasn’t, how much weight I gained, how much I didn’t gain. Rather than asking about my broken heart, everyone talked about my body.

And it was and is, so annoying.

Oh, I get it. It’s easy to tell someone who is pregnant, ‘you look great!’ or ‘look how big your belly is!’. I do it too. But what you mean to say is, ‘that baby you’re growing is a miracle.’

Then say that. The baby you are growing, is a miracle.

Surprisingly, it is usually women who haven’t had a baby in over a decade.

“Wow, I remember that feeling, it took me so long to lose all that weight.” “It doesn’t look like you gained much this time.”, “You look good, are you working out?”, “You know what helped me? Eating soup instead of big meals”,  and postpartum ” You lost so much weight!, “You’ll lose weight if you keep breastfeeding, it takes time.” What?!

Not once has a doctor ever commented on my body size or weight gained during pregnancy (and I’ve seen a lot of doctors)– so why does everyone else?

I think it’s like anything, it’s any easy thing to talk about. But really? That’s all we have to talk about?

Six months postpartum, a coworker cornered me in the hallway and said, ” we were all worried you would never lose all that weight you gained during pregnancy.”

I burst out laughing.

The thought of my coworkers standing around talking about my pregnant and postpartum body was (and is) absolutely hysterical.

Stop talking about my body.

There is so much more to talk about about carrying and birthing and caring for children. Ask me how my baby is (even if my baby is not okay, it’s okay to ask how they are) , ask me how I am, ask me how you can help me. Best of all– ask me how you can pray for me.

But seriously, let’s stop commenting on bodies during pregnancy, unless you are saying– how beautiful pregnancy is because truly it is.

Xoxo,

Emily

 

 

Fall Capsule Wardrobe For Toddler

Hi friends, I created this budget friendly toddler boy capsule wardrobe because I LOVE capsule wardrobes and I’ve been meaning to do one for Tommy.

Truth is we are always on a budget. I used to try to thrift all Tommy’s clothes but honestly guys, it’s a waste of time. Especially when Walmart has clothes for just $3.88.

*I should note that I do have clothes for him that were given to us (people are so nice) like coats, overalls and jeans that I didn’t put in here.

But, if I were going to start new for fall this year this is what I would buy. And the best part, you can find all of it at just two stores: Walmart and Target because this season of life is ALL ABOUT SIMPLE.

The first thing I do when planning a capsule wardrobe for me or yes, for Tommy too, is pick out a color scheme, it makes shopping and pairing things down SO much easier. This season (his 3T-4T season of life) I choose gray, cream, black and teal. Simple and easy but it works.

Budget Friendly Fall Capsule Wardrobe For Toddler Boy

  1. fluffy sherpa /  walmart- We already have a fleece jacket but if not this one was in my budget, it’s maybe on the thin side but comfy. The fleece jacket we have is the shell of BEST 3-1 jacket from Children’s Place. I bought it on sale on black Friday, totally worth it guys.
  2. henley / target- these are cute and comfy and stretchy. My goal is not to spend more than $7.00 per piece for kids clothes and they are $7.00 exactly.
  3. hat and mittens / target- I put it in his fall capsule instead of winter but to be honest, after I found these, I found gloves and hats at the Dollar Tree for a dollar that will work. Also, pro-mom tip, regular sized beanies work fine for kids.
  4. cowboy boots / walmart- so all my child wears is cowboy boots, it started out cute, but now he can’t pull them on himself (always get shoes they can put on themselves!!!) ugh. But they are work out really well for dress up or dress down, jumping in mud, stepping in chicken poop, all the things.
  5. fleece joggers / target- I like comfy clothes for kids, pants they can play in. Joggers look just a little bit nicer than sweatpants all the time (okay so they are sweatpants but still.)
  6. henley / target- same henley as #2, I got him two. They wash soft which I love.
  7. boys leggings / target- boys leggings! tell me your thoughts on ‘boy’s leggings’. I LOVE them for little boys, they  they can move in them unlike jeans or thick sweatpants. I layer them under joggers, jeans and overalls, and he wears them to bed too.
  8. pajama set– usually we sleep in regular clothes but I do love pj sets and Tommy wears them during the day or as a layer because why not.
  9. sneakers / walmart- we love these shoes. He has wide feet and these fit.
  10. long sleeve tee / target- I used to always look for cute graphic tees for Tommy but lately I’ve been making my own and actually, I really love just plain shirts, these are a good weight and wash soft
  11. long sleeve tee / target- same as #10
  12. joggers / target- you might notice I don’t have jeans on here. These joggers are soft and comfortable though and I like that he can wear them every day or we save them up for church
  13. raglan tee / walmart- I love raglan tees walmart had them cheaper then the old navy but not as many colors.

That is our toddler boy’s capsule wardrobe for fall 2019, I just realized Tommy is switching over to regular boy sizes very soon–eekk!

Tell me your capsule wardrobe successes and fails. Do you love the idea of a capsule wardrobe or find it too much to think about it. I like it because I find planning keeps things simple and laundry, way less laundry.

Let me know.

Love and pumpkins,
Emily

 

weekly round-up • peaches, fair, coffee & getting minimal

Weekly round-up!

This week I had no daycare kids. I missed them but it was nice to regroup, straighten the house, plan my fall ideas and have time with Tommy.

I went to my mom’s and she graciously taught me how to properly can peaches- amazing. Now I want to can all the things. She always uses the canning peaches method by Practical Self Reliance– her recipe is super simple to follow. We used the extra light syrup variation. Guys, I always canning was too hard but it’s not, it was actually super relaxing. Do you can? Do you love it? Teach me your ways.

We also went to The Great Frederick Fair this weekend, Tom had to work, I went to help him and Tommy went to try to convince Daddy to buy him a cow– it might have worked.

Back to the peaches. My mom bought 1/2 bushel of peaches from Pryor’s Orchard for $20 plus she bought me the canning jars (she’s so nice) which are the smooth sided quart jars, a 12 count for $10.34 which bumps the price to $3.71/jar (each jar is $0.86 and we used 7 jars).

A store bought jar runs about $1.76 for 15 oz so, $3.84 for the same amount and while it’s more work to do it yourself, two hours from set-up until we were finished these TASTE SO MUCH BETTER, I am calling it a win.

So I finally sat down to edit video about the babies. We’ve been documenting everything but holding on to it for– I don’t know why.

I have a youtube channel and this week I posted our twin gender reveal video and pregnancy update videos. Tom’s head totally got cut-off in the gender reveal but that’s what happens when you film it yourself. We did have a friend help us (thank you Ken) but he was manning another camera with our family’s reaction– turns out his card didn’t take– so I am thankful for the footage we do have.  Do you guys believe in gender reveals– I think any reason to celebrate a new baby is a good reason and I am so glad we got it on film.

This coming week I am going to post a ‘Baby Names We Love but Won’t be Using’ video and we’ll be sharing our twins’ names in a name reveal video.  I am just so grateful for this pregnancy and want to remember it. Should I tell you Tom thinks it’s our last pregnancy? Eeekk. I’m not sure about that.

 

I started drinking coffee again. I gave it up when I was newly pregnant. My doctor said I could only have 60 mg a day– does that sound right? I feel like she meant 150 mg. Anyways, I pour 1/4 cup  of regular brew coffee in a small mason jar, stick it in the freezer, then add milk, a cup of ice + a tiny bit of heavy whipping cream. Heavy cream makes all the difference. Man I missed it.

We have been on a path to minimalism for– years now. I made so much progress this week. Basically we’ve gotten rid of all the things (okay, I have, Tom just goes along with it–for the most part). Do you guys konmari? I do and now I want to minimize everything.  This week I finished basically the WHOLE HOUSE. I only took a picture of our bedroom but I’ll take more soon.

That’s it for this week. Except for a mom moment I had. Yesterday, I realized I hate being away from Tommy. HATE it. I know that sounds either obvious or obnoxious depending how you look at it but for the first three years of his life I worked every week day, (and lots of weekends). It was nothing for me to be gone from him for 12 hours at a time. Tommy went to Tom’s parents house for a the day while I worked the fair for Tom’s work and I hated not having him with me. It felt so weird. He’s my doctor appointment buddy, my work buddy, my cleaning buddy, my errands buddy, my library buddy– all of it. I feel like the luckiest person to stay home with him. My parenting confidence has sky rocketed since I quit my job three months ago. I just had to share because there was a time where I liked being away from him, having time to myself– don’t get me wrong I still do, but not for twelve hours!

That’s all guys! Weekly round-ups are my favorite thing to write because they help me remember all of the things. Hope you had a blessed week.

Always grateful, always thankful,

Emily

Thoughts on Having Twins After Losing Twins

twins after loss

Hi friends,

I have lots of thoughts about carrying twins after losing twins and most of it centers around– wow and— how. The rest of the world seems to think this is completely normal, people are excited for us, they say ‘you’re so lucky’ and ‘awe, how sweet’. I am the only one who is completely undone by God’s grace for us in this. And I am. Completely undone. There is a level of surrender I need to reach, the level that allows you to go about a day and not be completely unraveled by the miracles growing inside of me but I’m not there yet. And maybe I don’t want to be. I want it to be January so I can see these babies. It’s all I want. I know part of that is wrapped up in grief and disbelief. Last pregnancy God said, trust me. This time God hasn’t said anything. Just two healthy babies, two heart beats, beating at every appointment. An easy pregnancy. How could that be? Having twins after losing twins is– surreal. In a way it doesn’t make any sense. Medically, one egg split last time, two eggs were fertilized this time but– to my broken heart–two babies this time means, everything.

Friends, I will never make sense of this but to say that God loves us. He’s there in our sorrow and in our joy. He gives us the desires of our hearts and more abundantly. More abundantly so.

If you are praying for something, keep praying. The bible tells us, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..” Ephesians 3:20-21

Immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. I am growing two babies that are proof.

Thank you for praying for us! I am fully convinced someone (or lots of you) were praying we would have twins for a second time and  God answers prayers.

Always thankful, always grateful,

Emily

I’m Pregnant…with twins again!

Hi guys, we are pregnant! And I am still getting used to this but we are having twins again. After carrying and losing twin girls last year, we knew we wanted to have another baby as soon as possible but we could not have imagined that we would have twins again. We’re not really sure who was praying asking God to give us two babies but it wasn’t us.

One healthy baby is all we were hoping for.

I was shaking going into the first ultrasound, one healthy baby, one healthy baby I kept praying. One strong heartbeat. There’s nothing they can say we haven’t lived through.

And then, the ultrasound technician let out a little gasp and said “honey, there’s two.”

TWO BABIES. All over again.

The doctor asked if I was going to be okay. I just cried and cried and nodded. Then I asked him over and over again, “are they okay, Are they going to be okay?”

“This isn’t last time,” he kept saying. “It’s never going to happen again.” But how could I be having twins again? How could that be. He just shrugged, “Congratulations, I’m happy for you.”

We are now eighteen weeks along. Our babies are healthy. They are healthy. I still can’t believe it.

Having twins after losing twins. There is only one thing that we can figure. God loves us. He cares for us. He knows every desire of our heart. God knew how badly we wanted to have twins. We prayed for one rainbow baby, God gave us two.

Here is my reaction to finding out about our second set of twins…

Thank you for praying for us! We are so very excited and blessed but also very, very scared. God gets all of the glory.

Always thankful, always grateful,

Emily

 

To Our Babies On Their First Birthday

Dear Eliza and Ensley,

I miss you so much babies. You are ONE today! I think about you all of the time and while it has been a whole year since you were born it really seems like just yesterday or at least last week.

I was thinking about what it would be like if you were here. What we would want you to know most of all. The thing your Daddy and I would want you to know most of all is who Jesus is. But you girls are in Heaven, with JESUS face to face. Your Daddy reminds me of that all of the time. He’s known Jesus since he was five so he’s better at remembering. With Jesus face to face, more fully alive than you would be with us. We celebrate that today, it’s a joy in our hearts that never goes away. Even when we miss you and especially when we miss you. The hope of heaven is all we can hope for and you are already there.

But you got to know I still wish you were here.

If you were here, I would be making you a pink funfetti cake for your birthday. Your birthday outfits would most definitely match. We would be telling you we got you two babies for your birthday but you have to wait until January. I probably would have gotten you two baby dolls, a boy and a girl or maybe four so you wouldn’t fight over them.

We love you Eliza girl. We love you Ensley girl. We trust Heaven is better than a pink funfetti cake. Even if I made two. It’s better than all that we could do for you. It’s just hard for us to imagine because we aren’t there yet. We are here, without you.

We fought hard for you when you were alive. I tried everything I could to protect you. As soon was we found out you both had serious abnormalities in your bodies, I asked God what I was supposed to do every day. If God had told me anything other than to let you be born, I would have done it. To keep you safe. But God didn’t. Your doctors told me you might only suffer when came into the world and then you would both quickly leave.

Today is your birthday and Tommy is so excited to celebrate. We are making pink funfetti cupcakes. We are trying to teach him about Heaven. The day you both were born we held our breath, doctors told us what to expect but they never told us how beautiful you would be. Perfectly and wonderfully made. You didn’t suffer and we rejoiced as soon as we knew you went to Heaven. We hold you in our hearts forever and we’ll keep wishing you were here, all the while knowing you girls taught us more about Jesus and who He is than we could have ever taught you.

We love you, we always miss you and we praise God for giving us you both.

Always grateful, always thankful,

Mommy & Daddy too

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