Okay, I was just interrupted 891 times and it’s eleven weeks later but here we go.
This was them just twenty minutes of being home. How tiny! I had this weird thing about not wanting to cut their hospital bands off because then it would be real, like waking up from a dream? Did you do that too?
Oh they are so tiny, I don’t think it hit me until they were on this boppy pillow. They came home at a little over FIVE pounds each.
The first night we brought them home was actually pretty peaceful. Oh my heart, when I set them in the crib for the first time. We really got them home. This is our actual real life. After all my stressing about safe sleep, the divider Tom made worked perfectly, if for nothing else for my peace of mind.
I forgot how much they sleep. And how peacefully. You bet I was checking them every fifteen minutes. I was shocked every time they were still breathing. I think it’s part of my grieving. They are still breathing, I just checked.
There is this picture, Tommy took it with my phone and in it I look so…. contemplative. I am feeding Edith formula and I remember how mad I was about it. I am so glad Tommy took this (and another one where I look straight up mad) because then and there I decided to be joyful and to show it to him and to smile at the babies, even when I am worried/tired/stressed.
Also, side note, YOU ARE NOT FAILING if you feed your babies formula. I think we need to say that more often.
Phew. I have many thoughts about breastfeeding twins and breastfeeding in general but more on that later.
Truly, our first days home just flew by, the only semi-scary thing was we had to take Edith to the Emergency room for elevated bilirubin levels on day four. Now that was stressful.
We knew she was jaundiced when we left the hospital but were hoping it would get better, instead it got worse. I almost wish we had stayed an extra day to figure it all out because we had the option but we were so ready to bring them home.
First moment I realized Tom was meant to have twins because he took charge of the whole thing. There was a moment where he grabbed Edith and was walking across the parking lot after having brought Ira back out from the doctor, that I was like, oh yeah, I married the right person. He just took charge when I couldn’t. I was still in such a daze. What is that postpartum daze?
He kept track all of their paperwork, all of their numbers, weights and bilirubin levels and my prescriptions and the only thing I could focus on was trying to breastfeed. It was a fight, man. Edith’s bilirubin was 21.7 at the highest so I fed her formula ( I was determined not to), just to get anything in her– in both of them. I am so glad I did because YOU CAN feed formula and still breastfeed. I know! No one told me that.
Here are our brand new babes in the emergency room. We were SO scared they would catch something (RSV) but the doctors and nurses let us come straight back. Her levels ended up being on the way down so we were able to go home without being admitted.
That was day four. Day five felt a little more settled. I talked to a friend about it all and she told me how she ignored all doctors (don’t do that but ya know) and sat her jaundice baby in front of a window in the middle of December. So I did the same. Sometimes the answer is simple right? And I have a theory the answer is always sunshine. For everything.
This was the moment I felt like we were going to be okay. That they were home and where they were supposed to be, that they are mine and I am their mom and I DO know what to do. I remember it distinctly because the sunshine was beating on me too. Seriously, sunshine helps you think better.
That was about all the excitement of our first week home.
Oh, if you have twins, buy newborn size clothes! Guys, I only bought/asked for 0-3 month clothes because I thought I only had big babies. Hahaha, this is them in a 0-3 month sleepers it was kind of funny. It maybe wouldn’t have mattered, but it is winter and it is cold.
Another trip to the doctor. No joke, you go every day when you have newborn twins.
Tommy looooves being a brother and I am so glad. He is so gentle with them. The morning I took this he came in our room and asked, “Are they still here?” Yes they are buddy. Then he said he had to kiss them, “double kisses for double babies.” I can’t even.
I can’t even believe this is real. God truly has blessed us. We made it through the first week, so surely we can do this.
Edith and Ira, we love you baby babes. I will never forget the first week we brought you home.
Always grateful, always thankful,