Can we stop commenting on bodies during pregnancy? Let’s just stop.

This is me twelve weeks ago. Sixteen weeks pregnant with twins. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. But I did announce it, and you know the most common comments I keep getting? All about my body. Nothing about my heart.

My last pregnancy I carried babies with a life-limiting diagnosis and still the thing everyone wanted to talk about? My body. How big I was, how big I wasn’t, how much weight I gained, how much I didn’t gain. Rather than asking about my broken heart, everyone talked about my body.

And it was and is, so annoying.

Oh, I get it. It’s easy to tell someone who is pregnant, ‘you look great!’ or ‘look how big your belly is!’. I do it too. But what you mean to say is, ‘that baby you’re growing is a miracle.’

Then say that. The baby you are growing, is a miracle.

Surprisingly, it is usually women who haven’t had a baby in over a decade.

“Wow, I remember that feeling, it took me so long to lose all that weight.” “It doesn’t look like you gained much this time.”, “You look good, are you working out?”, “You know what helped me? Eating soup instead of big meals”,  and postpartum ” You lost so much weight!, “You’ll lose weight if you keep breastfeeding, it takes time.” What?!

Not once has a doctor ever commented on my body size or weight gained during pregnancy (and I’ve seen a lot of doctors)– so why does everyone else?

I think it’s like anything, it’s any easy thing to talk about. But really? That’s all we have to talk about?

Six months postpartum, a coworker cornered me in the hallway and said, ” we were all worried you would never lose all that weight you gained during pregnancy.”

I burst out laughing.

The thought of my coworkers standing around talking about my pregnant and postpartum body was (and is) absolutely hysterical.

Stop talking about my body.

There is so much more to talk about about carrying and birthing and caring for children. Ask me how my baby is (even if my baby is not okay, it’s okay to ask how they are) , ask me how I am, ask me how you can help me. Best of all– ask me how you can pray for me.

But seriously, let’s stop commenting on bodies during pregnancy, unless you are saying– how beautiful pregnancy is because truly it is.

Xoxo,

Emily

 

 

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