Dear Eliza and Ensley,

I miss you so much babies. You are ONE today! I think about you all of the time and while it has been a whole year since you were born it really seems like just yesterday or at least last week.

I was thinking about what it would be like if you were here. What we would want you to know most of all. The thing your Daddy and I would want you to know most of all is who Jesus is. But you girls are in Heaven, with JESUS face to face. Your Daddy reminds me of that all of the time. He’s known Jesus since he was five so he’s better at remembering. With Jesus face to face, more fully alive than you would be with us. We celebrate that today, it’s a joy in our hearts that never goes away. Even when we miss you and especially when we miss you. The hope of heaven is all we can hope for and you are already there.

But you got to know I still wish you were here.

If you were here, I would be making you a pink funfetti cake for your birthday. Your birthday outfits would most definitely match. We would be telling you we got you two babies for your birthday but you have to wait until January. I probably would have gotten you two baby dolls, a boy and a girl or maybe four so you wouldn’t fight over them.

We love you Eliza girl. We love you Ensley girl. We trust Heaven is better than a pink funfetti cake. Even if I made two. It’s better than all that we could do for you. It’s just hard for us to imagine because we aren’t there yet. We are here, without you.

We fought hard for you when you were alive. I tried everything I could to protect you. As soon was we found out you both had serious abnormalities in your bodies, I asked God what I was supposed to do every day. If God had told me anything other than to let you be born, I would have done it. To keep you safe. But God didn’t. Your doctors told me you might only suffer when came into the world and then you would both quickly leave.

Today is your birthday and Tommy is so excited to celebrate. We are making pink funfetti cupcakes. We are trying to teach him about Heaven. The day you both were born we held our breath, doctors told us what to expect but they never told us how beautiful you would be. Perfectly and wonderfully made. You didn’t suffer and we rejoiced as soon as we knew you went to Heaven. We hold you in our hearts forever and we’ll keep wishing you were here, all the while knowing you girls taught us more about Jesus and who He is than we could have ever taught you.

We love you, we always miss you and we praise God for giving us you both.

Always grateful, always thankful,

Mommy & Daddy too

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