Crossing Mason Dixon

Life After Infant Loss

Hi friends, I haven’t written much since the birth of our babies in August so I wanted to let you know how we are. All I can say is God does miraculous things with broken hearts.

When I thought about life after infant loss, I thought about all the things I would not be able to do–
get out of bed, go to work, have another baby, be a good friend, be a good wife. I forgot that God does miraculous things with broken hearts.

Getting out of bed is hard, forget about work, and having another baby? We are terrified. I am not a good friend, daughter, or wife. In fact our marriage has never been harder. Yet, here we stand, safe in the love of Jesus.

God does miraculous things with broken hearts.

Recently I was talking to someone who lost his daughter just weeks after we lost our daughters.
He said when people ask him how he is, he wants to say;

“how the hell do you think I am”?
I nodded with tears.
I said “but Jesus right”?
He looked at me.
So I said it again, “but Jesus”.
He shrugged.

I know exactly how he feels.
But Jesus still.

I thought this part, life after infant loss, would be the easier part. Easier than preparing for our babies to die. But it’s not. I asked Tom why. He said maybe it is because we aren’t clinging to God like we were when I was pregnant. I think he’s probably right.

We have hope, and still we have joy. But our grief is so normal now. Like it will never go away, probably because it won’t. I was struggling with that but the bible says;

1 Thessalonians 4:13: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” Yours is a grieving with hope. Theirs is a grieving without hope. That is the key difference. There is no talk of not grieving. That would be like suggesting to a woman who just lost her arm that she not cry, because it would be put back on in the resurrection. It hurts! That’s why we cry. It hurts

To be grieving and still hopeful, to have sorrow and abundant joy; it’s all part of the miraculous things God does with broken hearts.

Always grateful, always thankful,
Emily

Life After Infant Loss

One thought on “Life After Infant Loss

  1. I won’t tell my story, its long… and while it was an extremely raw and painful time for me, it couldn’t begin to compare with the loss of a child. But I will say…when all I could utter to Gid were the words “Help”, it’s all I needed to utter. I couldn’t understand why what happened happened. Why “my future and happiness ” were snatched from me. I remember laying in my bed sobbing…saying “I dont know how you can make beauty from the ashes God. What can you do with this?” In the moment we forget the power and glory of God. I came to know and follow Him like never before. I clung to Him. And he blessed be BEYOND my imagination! Do I still have pain from the former situation, yes. Do I still struggle with fear, yes. But our God is mighty and he will bring us through. Your story of faith in a time of such devastation is touching hundreds and you never know what seeds will be planted…your sweet babies may bring others to Christ…their short precious lives DO have a purpose…God made you their mother for a reason. 😊. Thank you for being so open in your story and struggles.

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