There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you.
In January, Tom and I found out we are expecting another baby.
In February we found out we are expecting twins.
In March we found out our babies had several abnormalities and were deemed incompatible with life. Specifically, both of our twins have limb body wall complex.
Now it’s May and I am 21 weeks pregnant with these sweet babies.
At 12 weeks our ultrasound technician left the room quietly to get our doctor. I told Tom she looked upset. We already knew we were having twins, we already knew there was a chance they could be conjoined.
My OB sent us to a maternal fetal medicine doctor the same day. The doctor came in and the quietest voice, told us that our babies were incompatible with life. She listed off several abnormalities and showed us each one.
She explained that none of it added up to be any one defect or any one cause. She said they could also be conjoined at the liver, we just don’t know.
She asked if I had any questions. I looked at the screen, where I just saw two hearts beating and asked: “but they are still alive…so why are they still alive”?
She quietly said, “I don’t know”.
She got up to leave and told us to take as much time as we needed which sounded ridiculous.
Then, I looked at Tom and sobbed like I have never sobbed before. Good thing Tom was there to hold me because it was 20 minutes before I could walk again. As we cried, we both cried out to Jesus. The presence of the Holy Spirit became so thick in the room we could tangibly feel God all around us. We both walked out with a peace we still can’t explain. Except we can.
God goes before us, He is always with us, He never forsakes us. God was already there.
And the same God who I walked into that exam room with, is the same God I left with.
His promises are real. And even in this I have joy.
God is bigger than all of my fear.
Our faith tells us God can heal these babies completely. And we know they are already whole and complete in Jesus. No matter how long we have them, we are their parents- stewards of their souls. If we lose them, we know that Jesus conquered death. So we have no fear. We only have joy.
I plan to post about our journey. Even the hard parts. Already, I have gained so much from reading from other parents who faced a similar diagnosis. Already God has shown up for us in ways we can’t explain but will try to witness too.
Will you pray our sweet babies and for us- believe with us for a miracle and trust God to do a work in us either way? We so covet your prayers. Thank you sweet friends.
Cherishing all of your prayers and forever thankful for these babies,