Crossing Mason Dixon

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Chatting with santa with a donut of course. #tommytaylor

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Come to MOPS! Where you can drink hot drinks in peace, eat food you didn't make, talk with your closest friends and someone is bound to give you a toy dinosaur. 😁

#MOPS #mopsinternational #momsontheline

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Much needed alone time at Panera today. Last year I sat at this same Panera, at this same table. I was eight weeks pregnant with twins. I was on my lunch break and decided not to order coffee in order to keep my babies safe. I was googling 'twin pregnancy announcements'. I was so excited that we were having twins. I didn't know my tiny babies already had fatal abnormalities. I didn't know I was having identical twin girls. I didn't know my babies were going to die as soon as they were born.
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Today I ate tomato bisque and a BLT and a chocolate croissant and an iced coffee (yum). I am pregnant with twins. Again. I am 32 weeks this time. Our second set of twins.
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I am sitting in the same Panera planning the birth of our babies watching everyone around me wondering if they are happy. It's such a cozy place everyone in Panera always seems happy don't they? Truth is we are all struggling with something. I am struggling with how to bring these babies into the world without being scared. How to make their birth perfect. Whole. Safe. Redemptive. I am struggling with why their sisters had to die. I am struggling with how happy I should be but how painful this still is.

The difference between me last year to me this year is I know with certainty what to do when you struggle with things. Fix your eyes on Jesus and watch what happens next. 💕

#twinpregnancy #twinstwice #twinsaftertwins #infantloss #32weekspregnant #boygirltwins #limbbodywallcomplex

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Babies are thirty weeks and I can't believe it. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

#twinpregnancy

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Can we stop talking about bodies during pregnancy?

Let's just stop.

This is me twelve weeks ago. Sixteen weeks pregnant with twins. I wasn't ready to tell anyone. But I did announce it, and you know the comments I keep getting? All about my body. Nothing about my heart.

My last pregnancy I carried babies with a life-limiting diagnosis and still the thing everyone wanted to talk about? My body. How big I was, how big I wasn't, how much weight I gained, how much I didn't gain. Rather than asking about my broken heart, everyone talked about my body.

And it was and is, so annoying... I feel like we can do better than comments about body size during pregnancy. I feel like we should try.
#bodypositive #pregnant #pregnancy

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I don't work with these girls anymore but I was so excited when I found out we were all pregnant at the same time! 32, 29 and 39 weeks pregnant. I can't wait to meet these sweet babies. #MDAanimalhealth

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We just annouced our sweet babies' name over on my youtube channel. Which makes it a little bit more real doesn't it? 💕 I just want it to be January so I can see them already. See if they are really real. If they are really going to come. And be okay.
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There is something about losing your babies that robs you of certain joy and certainty, sometimes it seems like all of it. The other day someone bought me two baby outfits, one boy, one girl and honestly, I got really mad. How dare they? Don't they know that babies die? What am I supposed to do with baby clothes? I'm not even 30 weeks. I can't put them in their nursery because that would mean that room is really theirs. Those were my actual real thoughts. I told another friend that and she just said, relax, "it's going to be okay."
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I need someone to tell me it will be okay 220 times a day. I need my doctor to say it, I need Tom to say it and for some reason I stopped asking God to say it. Because He already has. Over and over. That's the one thing He told me through out our last pregnancy.
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It will be okay. In our sorrow and in our joy, it will be okay. I didn't realize how much naming our new babies would help me believe that.

#twinpregnancy #rainbowbaby #rainbowbabies #infantloss #limbbodywallcomplex #twinstwice #23weekspregnant

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We went on an actual date! It's been like a year?
#dateyourhusband

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Ocean City vacation week. Earlier Tom asked Tommy if he wanted to go back inside to the kiddie pool, he said, "no, I''m a sea creature." 😂 #summervacation #labordayweekend

#OceanCity

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This is 19 weeks with twins. I think I just realized this is going to be hard (in the best possible way) There really is two babies. We just did this though so grow sweet babies, grow.
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Also first sweater of the season, woot woot.
#twinpregnancy #19weekspregnant

MOPS Bucket List

Nov 11, 2019

Hi friends, you know how much I love my MOPS group. Who is excited for the To The Full theme at MOPS this year? My group created a To The Full Bucket List and I just wanted to share because it is so fun. So how are we doing this? We gave each mom a copy of this list...

Can we stop talking about bodies during pregnancy?

Nov 6, 2019

Can we stop commenting on bodies during pregnancy? Let's just stop. This is me twelve weeks ago. Sixteen weeks pregnant with twins. I wasn't ready to tell anyone. But I did announce it, and you know the most common comments I keep getting? All about my body. Nothing...

Fall Capsule Wardrobe For Toddler

Oct 1, 2019

Hi friends, I created this budget friendly toddler boy capsule wardrobe because I LOVE capsule wardrobes and I've been meaning to do one for Tommy. Truth is we are always on a budget. I used to try to thrift all Tommy's clothes but honestly guys, it's a waste of time....

weekly round-up • peaches, fair, coffee & getting minimal

Sep 16, 2019

Weekly round-up! This week I had no daycare kids. I missed them but it was nice to regroup, straighten the house, plan my fall ideas and have time with Tommy. I went to my mom's and she graciously taught me how to properly can peaches- amazing. Now I want to can all...

Thoughts on Having Twins After Losing Twins

Sep 13, 2019

Hi friends, I have lots of thoughts about carrying twins after losing twins and most of it centers around-- wow and--- how. The rest of the world seems to think this is completely normal, people are excited for us, they say 'you're so lucky' and 'awe, how sweet'. I am...

I’m Pregnant…with twins again!

Aug 28, 2019

Hi guys, we are pregnant! And I am still getting used to this but we are having twins again. After carrying and losing twin girls last year, we knew we wanted to have another baby as soon as possible but we could not have imagined that we would have twins again. We're...

To Our Babies On Their First Birthday

Aug 6, 2019

Dear Eliza and Ensley, I miss you so much babies. You are ONE today! I think about you all of the time and while it has been a whole year since you were born it really seems like just yesterday or at least last week. I was thinking about what...

Find Yourself a Moms Group

Aug 1, 2019

Find yourself a moms group. My mom was the first one to tell me to go to MOPS. I was asking her a bunch of questions about the baby I was about to have. "Just find a moms group, it will keep you sane." I thought moms group sounded...awkward. I didn't have a baby yet,...

I QUIT my job

Jul 23, 2019

I QUIT my job. Friends, this is such a big deal to our little family and before you think, wow girl, must be nice, let me tell you how heart-wrenching, painstaking, fear evoking hard this was. Not just was, still is. We are a working class family. Blessed but we both...

Life After Infant Loss

May 18, 2019

Hi friends, I haven't written much since the birth of our babies in August so I wanted to let you know how we are. All I can say is God does miraculous things with broken hearts. When I thought about life after infant loss, I thought about all the things I would not...

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About Me

Hi, I'm Emily. Welcome to the space where I share all the things I love. Like Jesus, and motherhood and trying to figure it all out. I live in a little town in Pennsylvania with my husband Tom and our son Tommy who is three. We also have two babies in heaven, identical twins Eliza and Ensley. I am also currently pregnant again! God gets all the glory. During the day I run a daycare and at night I design websites. I am so glad you are here.